RetirementHomes.com - caregiving

The Best - and Worst - Ways Caregivers Can Take Care of Themselves

aadmin — Wed, 20 Jan 2016 21:16:23 +0000

Caring for an elder takes time, patience, and a lot of energy. While people want to do best by their loved ones, it’s essential that there is also a support system in place for those doing the caring. The majority of caregivers have their own lives, families, worries, and jobs. Trying to do it all yourself will only lead to burn out, and compromise your ability to provide good care. The benefits of creating a support network are numerous, and not only is it good for the caregiver, but for those ailing as well.

Support Networks for Elderly Caregivers

Most communities have a wide variety of support programs in place to assist caregivers. In addition to friends, family members, and community groups, it can give immeasurable amounts of relief to those taking on the primary job. Some places to find support include:

Local hospitals and senior service organizations: Many communities have programs that provide meals, rides to appointments or shopping, and additional caregiver services.
Health care: Check coverage to find out if the person you care for is qualified for any additional assistance, like in-home nursing, occupational or physical therapy, or a social worker.
Community groups: Many churches, due-paying community groups, and other non-profits have assistance programs in place. These services can range from phone check-ins to home visits and transportation.
Personal services: Hired aides will come into the home to assist with basic daily living tasks. Consider finding help with cleaning, bathing, feeding, and laundry.
Adult daycare: Retirement communities and senior programs often have adult day programs. These centers can give you a much-needed break while offering enrichment activities and social opportunities.
Friends and family: Make a list of weekly caregiving needs you fulfill. Pull trusted friends and family members aside and ask if they’re willing to help. If they are, find tasks that they are both comfortable with and good at. Don’t hesitate to call on others if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Most organizations that involve working with the elderly population are more than happy to answer questions and point you in the right direction. Get to know what’s available in your community by making some calls.

6 Benefits of Having an Elderly Caregiver Support Network

The ability to do your best: Caring for the elderly can get overwhelming and exhausting. By calling on your support network, you’ll be able to rejuvenate and de-stress, and continue to give the best care possible.

A more organized approach: By creating a support network, you’ve already started to identify the needs of your elderly loved one. It gives you the fuel to organize care, put consistent weekly routines in place, and make things work more functionally. This takes a lot of excess time and energy out of the process.

Financial relief: Many people overlook free or reduced-cost services in the community. They also don’t look at medical coverage thoroughly enough. If you’re paying for everything out of pocket, a support network can give some much-needed financial relief.

Emotional support: Handling issues solo encourage feelings of isolation and loneliness. Having others to simply talk to can boost your own morale and overall well-being, and help you feel validated for all that you do.

Enrichment: You are not the only one who will benefit from a support network. The elderly thrive with additional social interaction, contact with a variety of people and personalities, and programs that boost their physical, mental, and social health.

Personal time: Everyone needs time to do the things they love. Enlisting the help of your support network lets you engage with your family and hobbies, and relax.

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Family and Personal Care

How to care for yourself when you're a caregiver

aadmin — Mon, 20 Apr 2015 13:50:41 +0000

Unquestionably, the only person who would ever tell you that care giving is an easy job is someone that has never had to do it themselves. For the person needing care, the loss of independence coupled with increasing physical and perhaps mental frailty can be exceptionally harrowing. Although care is usually given with love, it can - on occasion - be received with some measure of resentment, especially if it means a reversal of the parent/child roles that you have been used to fulfilling.

Even on a good day, with a cordial relationship based on love and respect, looking after a senior member of the family can lead to increased stress levels, and eventually care giver burnout. When your focus is someone else's needs, your own can sometimes fade into the background, and it's surprisingly easy to lose sight of the situation getting out of control until it's too late.

Signs that the frustrations of losing some of your own freedoms, relationships and indeed privacy to care for someone else are getting too much shouldn't be overlooked. If you notice that you're constantly physically and emotionally wrung out, or worse still entertaining thoughts of hurting yourself or the person you're caring for, it's time to find ways to take breaks to alleviate the strain.

Make sure you're sleeping properly. It can be difficult to get decent rest if you're having to get up every few hours to check on someone or give medication. However, napping when the person you're caring for is also asleep during the day might help you top up too.
Cook proper meals where possible. Relying on snacks and quick meals from the chiller cabinet instead of preparing food from scratch may be essential to stay on top of care duties at times, but where you can, cook meals in bulk to stock up the freezer.
Talk to others. You may feel that none of your family and friends understand your position, or even that they've forgotten or abandoned you. The sad truth is that unless they've experienced a similar care situation, they may not be able to empathize to the degree that you need. Message boards and online support groups can be a lifeline where simple solidarity accompanies offers of practical solutions.
Take advantage of respite care. Progressive conditions such as dementia, especially where challenging or even violent behavior can accompany physical decline inevitably reach a point where not only can you not do it alone any longer, but you may have to consider full-time residential care so that your senior can establish a routine that will be comforting and reassuring to them. Even if you haven't yet reached this stage, making sure you can step away from the care situation from time to time is essential to your well being.
Don't beat yourself up. You're not required to feel "up" and positive all the time, and nor are you obliged not to feel like screaming with frustration. Caring is tough, and it will get on top of you at times. Don't blame yourself for the bad days.

The most important thing of all to accept is that if you're the caregiver of an elderly parent or in-law, then you are unlikely to be in the first flush of youth yourself. Pay close attention to your own physical and mental health, especially if you have a family history of classic middle-age disorders such as high blood pressure or arthritis, and don't ignore warning signs that all is not well. After all, you can't provide care if you need care yourself.

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Family and Personal Care

Attending Your Senior Loved Ones Doctor Appointments

aadmin — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 10:47:05 +0000

If you have a family member who is getting older, you know they’d rather stay as independent as they can. One way of staying independent may be going to doctor’s appointments alone—regardless of how much you want to accompany him or her.

So you have to do a little convincing before your elderly loved allows you to accompany him or her to doctor’s appointments. What’s the best strategy? It depends on the person you are talking to. You know everyone is different. However, there are some basic strategies you can use:

Offer a trial period. If you know your family member is a negotiator, make a deal. Just say that you’d like to accompany him or her for a short time. This gives your family member time to try the idea out before totally committing. The fact is, the idea is acceptable when he or she feels in control of the situation.

Show the worry. Maybe your loved one is a people pleaser. You want to tug at his or her heart strings. Many older individuals will refuse to let anyone accompany them regardless of the reason. For instance, your mother may be stubborn, but as soon as you talk about how worried you are about her health, she concedes.

Let your loved one prove you wrong. Your relative may be someone who loves to be right. In fact, he or she may be boasting about being healthy (even though that’s not the case). So let your relative “prove” to you that he or she is healthy by letting you go with them to the doctor’s visits.

Make a pact with him or her. This is for the negotiator in the family. Why not let him or her accompany you to your doctor’s visit? Of course, it must be a fair exchange. You must be allowed to go to his or her doctor’s appointments. You may want to explain the benefits like having a second set of ears to hear all the facts, another mouth to ask questions you may not have thought to ask, plus an additional outing afterwards of course!

Make a day of it. You may want to convince your family member to make it an eventful day. Doctor’s appointments are often dreadful experiences because it’s all about tests, procedures, personal questions and possible lectures from doctors. If you are allowed to their doctor’s visits, you’ll plan a fun day afterwards. For instance, going to a movie, lunch or a shopping trip.

You know your family member. He or she is deeply independent. So no amount of lecturing will convince him or her to let you go to doctor’s appointments. That’s why you have to get a little creative. Your approach depends on your loved one. However, using any one of the above tips might help.

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Family and Personal Care

Sales Tips for Selling to Family Decision Makers

aadmin — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 10:40:12 +0000

“Old age isn’t for sissies”
Bette Davis, American Actress

The Hollywood movie star was reflecting on her personal experience, as she aged. She might have added “old age isn’t for family caregiver sissies.”

Caregiving is hard work, especially for the oldest daughter. A number of research studies have profiled the typical family caregiver. It’s the eldest daughter, age 49 caring for her widowed mother, roughly age 79.

According to research by Stephen Tweed, Leading Home Care, the pecking order in larger families, is usually the next oldest daughter who lives close by, followed by the daughter-in-law and finally the son.

The two generations represented here are the Matures, late 60s and up, and the Boomers, late 40s to late 60s. These are two inherently different generations with different attitudes, values and decision-making abilities.

Boomers are more likely to have living parents. The “longevity bonus” we are experiencing means 70% of Boomers have one or more living parents. But family responsibilities don’t stop there. About a third of those with parents have children at the same time.

Overall, moving or downsizing into a new location such as your retirement community is one of the hardest and most difficult ones associated with an older person at this stage of life. Adding to it, the physical distance between parents and adult children can result in weakened family connections.

About 90%of your sales effectiveness dealing with family decision-makers is based on your ability to develop rapport with family members in both generations. Developing rapport can be a tall challenge.

My advice: Build a personal relationship with both. Stand out from others in your profession by taking a supportive position to help them get through what might be disharmonious times.

Use technique that work with both generations. Use the concept of communicating through relevant stories involving others families in similar situations.

Bring into play your personal experiences…with your older parents and relatives. Share with them how you or your associates have helped those who needed advice.

Focus on the emotional connection between older adults and their grown children. Focus on the family. Show that you care about each as a person. Ask them how does it feel for them? Does this or that make sense?

Usually, the parents don’t want to be dependent on others. They want to be independent and self-sufficient. Try to work those words into your sales conversation.

The adult children want to be able to control their lives. Present information in ways to give them options but let them decide. Most of all, Boomers want help simplifying their lives. Show that you understand that.

Help them to be strong and understand that caregiving is not for sissies.

For more help, go to my webinar for www.retirementhomes.com, “How to Sell to Seniors and Their Adult Children At the Same Time.”

Here’s a link to it on YouTube.

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How To Resolve Feeling Like You're Abandoning a Parent

aadmin — Wed, 24 Jul 2013 10:56:59 +0000

Our parents are likely the most influential persons in our lives, shaping us from an early age to become strong, independent, well-respected adults. For some of us, they are like anchors in a storm, keeping us grounded and giving us a strong sense of safety and well-being.

When a parent reaches the point where they can no longer safely live independently or we are unable to handle the day-to-day tasks that come with caring for their needs, it may time to consider retaining an in-home caregiver or selecting a retirement home or assisted living community.

Some elderly or disabled parents may require constant care, round-the-clock attention, or regular monitoring for a variety of reasons.

They may have suffered a stroke or other disabling physical event, or they could be dealing with Alzheimer's Disease or other mental afflictions. Either way, we are still forced to continue managing our lives - going to work, paying bills, handling household duties, and caring for our own children.

A parent may become a hazard to their safety or the safety of others completely unintentionally through the effects of age, illness, or physical limitations, and we are not adequately equipped on many levels to provide the level of care necessary to sustain their well-being.

Having an elderly or ailing parent relocated to a retirement home can often cause us feelings of guilt because we think we should be doing more personally.

After all, our parents did give us all the care, love, and attention they could while we were growing up - so shouldn't we return the favor when they need the same? Rather than looking at a retirement home or assisted living facility as a place to abandon your parents to the care of others, you should look at it as a labor of love and a testament to the level of affection you have for them.

Retirement homes are staffed with attentive, compassionate, and caring people who do all they can every day to ensure that the residents of their facilities are given a high quality standard of living.

They also properly dispense needed medications, handle routine and emergency medical needs, provide assistance with managing daily tasks, and even provide simple things like a friendly face or someone to listen when your parents want to talk.

In a retirement home, you parent would also be in the company of many other people of their age group, giving them an invaluable support network of peers to keep them company, help them make new friends, and give them other people with which to engage in social activities.

The only time you would truly abandoning a parent after relocating them to a retirement home is when you neglect to visit or call, or avoid communicating with them as much as possible.

The transition from independent living to dependent living can be a stressful one for all parties involved, so if this is an option you are considering for a parent, do your part to ease their mind and let them know you want them to relocate to a safe and welcoming environment because you love them.

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Family and Personal Care

Six Signs your elderly parent should not live alone

aadmin — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 16:46:50 +0000

It can be difficult to know when it's no longer safe for your elderly parent to live alone. How many slips of the mind are normal signs of aging, and how many indicate there's a problem? At what point is it time to hire a home healthcare aid or move them into an assisted living or nursing home facility? These are the questions that can plague us as aging parents become frailer.

Here are some signs your elderly parents should not live alone:

Disorientation

While minor memory lapses and forgetfulness are usually benign, disorientation is another matter entirely. If your elderly parent has had even a single episode of disorientation, i.e. not knowing where s/he was, getting lost coming home from routine errands, or is found wandering the neighborhood, it's time to have a professional assessment done. These spells usually increase over time and can be dangerous.

Medication

Are they forgetting to take their medication? Ideally, their meds should be in pill organizers by day of the week. That way it's obvious to see whether or not they're current. Otherwise, you might have to do some sleuthing to see if their prescription matches up with the amount left in the bottle.

General Well-being

How is their overall well-being? Do they appear well groomed, clean, and dressed in presentable clothes? Or do they seem a bit haggard, frazzled, and/or unkempt? Do you notice unusual signs of lethargy, sadness, or anger? These can all be signs that mental faculties are beginning to slip and/or that your elderly parent is becoming depressed. In either of these cases, you will want to consider other living arrangements.

What's in the fridge?

Take a look in the refrigerator and pantry. Are they stocked like normal? Do you see signs that your parent(s) is eating regular meals? If not, a plan needs to be set in place. It is easy for seniors to become dehydrated and malnourished, which contributes to mental instability and physical health issues.

Housekeeping

What is the condition of the interior and exterior of the home compared to normal? If you notice that things are becoming dirty, cluttered, or generally unkempt, step one is enlisting the help of a professional house cleaner and/or gardener. If you notice that both the house and your parent's physical appearance is slipping, it may be a sign that more acute care is required.

Business

If you notice that piles of unopened bills are accumulating where the mail used to be organized and sorted, your parent may need help. In some cases, this is simply an issue of vision changes that need to be addressed. In others, it can indicate your elderly parent is struggling to keep track of dates, or write checks, etc.

If you have any doubts as to whether or not your elderly parent should be living alone, contact a reputable home health agency or talk to a medical professional to schedule a home health assessment and health evaluation. The results will help you create a long-term plan for your parent's well-being.

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Family and Personal Care

How to make over Mother’s Day for caregivers

aadmin — Fri, 10 May 2013 14:38:18 +0000

Flowers, jewelry, fragrant soaps, and cards aren't going to cut it for a family caregiver.

As a member of the ‘sandwiched generation’, she averages 48-years-old, and she supervises three lives simultaneously – her children, an aging parent, and her own.

Denise Brown, certified professional coach, and founder of Caregiving.com, told RetirementHomes.com: “The best gift for a Mom who also provides care is your time.”

“Put yourself in the caregiving schedule,” she said. “Ask your mom when she'd like a four-hour break and then take care of her.”

Brown, a prolific author of caregiving books, proposes support for the caregiving mother on an ongoing basis, not only on Mother’s Day.

“Call her on a regular basis and ask how she's doing,” said Brown. “There’s no need to offer suggestions or advice. Simply listen and express your love. Your mom will feel like you just gave her a million dollars.”

Brown urges children to hire help and schedule a day with their mothers, or time off from cooking through a special monthly meal. “Take her out for lunch, shopping, or a sporting event, whatever she will enjoy.”

Siblings may abandon caring responsibilities, leaving caregivers the sole helper of older parents. Brown visualizes Mother’s Day as a rallying point for family involvement.

“On Mother’s Day, somebody else can become the designated caregiver for the day,” Brown encourages. “Create a schedule for each family member to take over caregiving duties.”

Brown sees her opening. “And, make this an ongoing holiday ritual. Any time the family gets together, the primary caregiver gets the day off and other family members chip in.”

Caregivers who play dual roles – parent and caregiver – feel a tremendous amount of stress. They devote time to a parent with health needs then worry that they short-change their children.

According to Brown, that attitude can lead to guilt and denial. Caregivers can be repeatedly asked about their condition and respond ‘I’m fine. I don’t need help.’

“Regularly call your mom and offer to help with chores like the laundry and the errands,” says Brown.

Year-round help and acknowledgement are the true gifts for a caregiver’s Mother’s Day.

Denise Brown tweets @caregiving.

She has written on many occasions for RetirementHomes.com.

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Health and Wellness

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Family and Personal Care

AARP Endorses Indiana's Caregiver Bill

aadmin — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 14:59:37 +0000

Indianapolis State Legislature Paves Way for Caregivers

AARP Indiana has gone to bat for caregivers by supporting a state income tax credit for people who care for aging relatives in their homes. The AARP state director told Public News Service that 1.3 million residents of Indiana provide $9.4 billion of unpaid care in their homes. Caregivers with income under $110,000 per year will be eligible for a $5,000 state income tax credit.

The legislation will assist Hoosiers without access to a 401(k) or retirement plan and is touted for being consistent with taxpayers wishes to be effective, yet inexpensive.

Many studies have shown that caregivers across America suffer many setbacks to help out loved ones. The MetLife Mature Market Institute® published a comprehensive research paper on caregivers stating: “The total estimated aggregate lost wages, pension, and Social Security benefits of these caregivers of
parents is nearly $3 trillion.”

The report stated that there are other important problems: “For all working caregivers, it is not unusual also to report missed opportunities for promotions, business travel, relocation, and education as workplace effects of providing care. Overall, both current wages and retirement income can suffer as a result.”

People who age in place are potential candidates for Assisted Living and Continuing Care residences.

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Caregiving

Family and Personal Care

Seven Facts about Parent Caregiving

aadmin — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 19:02:16 +0000

Thank heaven for parent caregivers!

An increasing number of American adults and their families serve as unpaid caregivers for their loved ones because of a condition relating to aging parents, relatives and friends who are frail, disabled or suffering from a chronic condition.

The need for family care will escalate significantly in the coming decades and along with it many more challenges. Among those:

• Less Children Per Family: Fewer children are available today to provide care to parents. Birthrates have declined over the years. Today’s older adults average four children per couple, while the Boomer parenting generation has averaged only two children per couple.

• Long-Distance Caregiving: Compared to previous generations who tended to live in close proximity, family members don’t necessarily live near their parents. They are separated physically because of a number of trends -- increased mobility of households, relocations through job transfers, loss of job or changing careers. Remote caregiving, as its often called, is an issue that affects families in a very personal way.

• Single-Person Households: Among people age 65 and older, 47 percent of women and 18 percent of men now live alone, according to U.S. Census data. Distinctions are drawn between those who have never married, “Ever Singles,” and those who have experienced divorce or death of a spouse, “Suddenly Singles.” This trend also affects both parents and their family caregivers.

• The Surge in Boomer Divorce: Today, one in four divorces occurs with people over 50, a fact that is significantly higher than it was 10 years ago. Widowhood is another factor that affects relationships with caregiving families. One in three households headed by someone over age 50 is headed by widows. In longevity terms, women outlive men by more than five years.

• Full- or Part-Time Work: Another issue relates to adults who are working full- or part-time. The U.S. is experiencing the highest rates ever of both middle-aged men and women working, many well into their 60s, 70s or 80s. The adult daughter or son caring for mom or dad might need or wish to work. Two-income households with both working are on the rise.

• The Effect on Jobs and Careers: For a number of reasons, caregiving for an older parent while working is usually not easy and often can affect job performance in many ways. Juggling work, dealing with workplace challenges, monitoring the care while maintaining continuity on the job are all part of elder caregiving for jobholders which health care providers need to acknowledge and offer assistance.

• Aging in Place: Upwards of 90 percent of seniors have a stated preference to live at home or what is called “aging in place” – remaining at home for as long as possible. For Boomers and senior older adults, most want to live as independently as possible while receiving the care they need to be safe and comfortable and maintain a high quality of life. Currently, there are an estimated 66 million family caregivers who provide care in-home for a loved one.

The challenges are many and growing!

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Caregiving