RetirementHomes.com - Grandparenting

Do you want to live to 109?

aadmin — Tue, 27 Aug 2013 16:00:31 +0000

A few weeks ago my grandfather, Sam Baker, passed away at the age of 109. He spent most of his life toiling in the prairies of Western Canada as described in this Winnipeg Free Press article. I and other family members, believe that he was much older (my estimate 113) but the official record is 109. So how did he do it? What was it like to be a alive during the last century?

Here’s a sample list of accomplishments that my grandfather witnessed:

Creation of Commercial Air flight
Introduction of Household appliances – refrigerator, electric stove/oven, can opener, microwave, etc.
Invention of the automobile and the development of the Interstate Highway
Adoption of Indoor Plumbing
Eradication of Polio, Measles and Smallpox
Prohibition
The Great Depression
World War I and II
Construction of the Indoor Mall
Onset of Computers and the Internet

After surviving the “dirty-30s” as a farm equipment dealer in Hamiota, Manitoba, (population of less than 1,000), he bought and successfully operated a chain of women’s clothing stores in and around Brandon, Manitoba. He married late in life (36 – the same age I was when I married), settled into a modest house in Brandon, and raised two daughters and a son.

At 85, he retired from the store, and travelled extensively with my grandmother (who predeceased him 11 years ago). After her death, he spent the balance of his life reading the newspaper in Winnipeg and frequenting the Winnipeg Senior scene.

My uncle stated at the funeral, he was what actuaries call the “Omega Man”, the last of his generation. A man of quiet dignity, he wore a jacket and tie every day, and walked almost 3 miles daily (to the bank and to the coffee shop) well into his 100s. An infrequent speaker, he was prepared to offer his opinion on a variety of matters when provoked. I spent a few days each year with my grandfather at his office in Brandon, cottage at Clear Lake or home in Winnipeg. On most of these family visits, I acted like a rambunctious toddler or teenager, unappreciative of his experiences.

In the last few years I listened intently and asked him questions about his life. On my last visit, several weeks before his death, all there was to say was “I Love You.” We had said it all. We knew the end was near, so I hugged him one last time. My daughter Orli kissed him and we left.

So what does it take to live to 109?

Based on my decades of discussions with my grandfather here’s what I know:

Speak only when you have something important to say
Treat your family better than your friends
Stay away from gossip and idle talk
Never argue with your wife, she’s always right
Lead by example, not with words
Enjoy the simple pleasures in life

Speak when you have something important to say

There is too much chatter in today’s Twitter society. My grandfather engaged in friendly conversation on a regular basis and loved interacting with people, but he rarely spoke in public. When he did speak, he did so with meaning and purpose. He hardly spoke at family gatherings, but when he did, people stopped their idle talking and listened. Later in my life, his personal conversations with me were so packed with value, it required that I decompress and ponder for a few days. These most private conversations possessed important messages he imparted to me.

Treat your family better than your friends

Sadly, most people treat their friends better than their family. As the youngest son in a family of five brothers and two (younger) sisters, my grandfather ensured that the family stayed together. Throughout his life, even when his brothers and their children lived far apart from each other, he made sure that disagreements amongst individual family members were dealt with and not left to fester.

Stay away from gossip

My grandfather enjoyed the routine banter of life, but he was not one to engage in gossip or act in a mean spirited way with his words. On occasion, he did not disclose things that he wanted to say to other people. My grandfather never told my uncle that he appreciated the care and assistance he had provided to him in the last decade of his life, but he confided this information to me several times. After my grandfather’s death I realized how much this “omission” had affected my uncle.

Never argue with your wife

As a person who’s been married for over eight years, it’s easy to say this, much harder to live it. My grandparents had a special relationship, sharing many hardships and heartaches. Given their circumstances, they were able to live their lives to the fullest. My grandparents never argued in front of me. There was never any tension in their home. My grandfather took it upon himself to be the peacemaker in the relationship. I can only hope that my relationship with my wife survives their 60+ years.

Lead by example

My grandfather lived a modest life and made sure that we understood the difference between right and wrong. He didn’t tell us what to do, he lived it. He took care of his possessions, ensuring his 1985 Lincoln was tuned and cleaned after each lengthy road trip or 5,000 km (whichever came first). He treated friends, family and associates with dignity and compassion. While he was a tough negotiator, he respected those with whom he worked.

Enjoy the simple pleasures of life

My grandfather was not tremendously wealthy, but he took advantage of opportunities when they arose. Without fail, he would have a cocktail shortly before dinner (usually scotch & water, but also white rum and Sprite). He loved spending time with his grandchildren (at least initially) and his friends, and going for long walks along Winnipeg‘s Wellington Crescent and the River Heights area.

Lessons from my grandfather

In modern day business language, we ask: what are the key take-aways that we can learn from Sam Baker. However, I prefer to look at his life lessons to be lived every day.

Treat people with respect. He had his own version of the “golden rule”. He didn’t like everyone, but he treated them with respect. I’m going to ensure that that I’m respectful of those that I interact with on a regular basis.

Show appreciation. My grandfather grew up in a time when fathers were hard on their children and some of that rubbed off on him. Later in his life he used to tell me that he loved me. He appreciated my uncle’s efforts as primary caregiver, though he rarely said anything. I’m going to tell and show people that I appreciate them and their effort s more than before.

Watch your tongue. I’m a bit of an introvert and so I don’t really like mixing in large crowds of people. When I do talk to people, I’m going to be more conscious of what and how I say things.

Communicate more. Because of my introverted nature, this one is going to be hard for me. I don’t really like to talk, so it means that when I speak, I’ll make my comments more meaningful and less superfluous. Also, I will be writing a lot more than in the past.

Enjoy life with all it has to offer. My wife constantly reminds me about how to stop and appreciate what we have been given (four amazing daughters, and her, an amazing wife), and I am forever reminding her to slow down. Somewhere we’ll find a happy medium, but I’ll be sure to have a glass of whisky or beer after 5 pm in my grandfather’s honor almost every day.

I will miss the visits with my grandfather (including the famous cocktail hours) but I'm certain that these lessons he inculcated in me will stay with me and my children forever.

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What are 'grandparent camps'?

aadmin — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 15:45:57 +0000

This coming Friday, September 21, it’s official: the summer of 2012 will be over. Millions of youth across North America have spent part of the summer at camp, swimming, playing and enjoying the outdoors, and now they will have to wait another year.

But one Canadian-based company, NYQUEST, will be running a camp in late October, called Grandparent Camp, and it’s name is a pretty good hint about what it is: a camp for grandparents to spend quality time with their grandchildren, with no parents allowed.

Founder Jonathan Nyquist told RetirementHomes.com that next month’s Grandparent Camp, which will take place from October 26-28 in Muskoka, Ontario, will present a unique opportunity for grandparents and grandchildren to bond and get to know each other better.

“Grandparents today are quite active and they are looking for ways to spend time with their grandchildren in new ways to strengthen their relationship, and help out the parents,” he said.

The weekend will be held at the Rosseau JW Marriott Resort, and campers will be able to enjoy activities such as arts and crafts, swimming, hiking, outdoor campfires, as well as sports and even making s’mores, Nyquist told RetirementHomes.com.

For more information about NYQUEST’s Grandparent Camp, visit their website at Go-Nyquest.com.

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Family and Personal Care

Grandparenting

The Harsh Realities of Grandparenting in Vietnam

aadmin — Wed, 19 Sep 2012 15:16:01 +0000

In North America, the time comes for many older people to settle down into a quiet life without the distraction of younger generations.

But, according to Vietnam News, The National English Language Daily, 60+ adults have become a national generation of babysitters for their grandchildren.

Outside of maternity leave, the parents are out working and can't spend time at home. The dreams of the golden years for the grandparents are replaced by long days of feeding children, playing with them, buying food and cooking meals.

Thu Trang wrote for Vietnam News: "My mother is not alone. All elderly people in my neighborhood take care of their grandchildren."

Some grandparents offer to look after their grandparents instead of hiring someone, because they don't have confidence in anyone else.

Problems arise when the elderly raise their grandparents. At their age many suffer from high blood pressure and rheumatism, leaving them too tired to take care of grandchildren.

The news source quoted Chairman of the Ha Noi Elderly People's Association: "Loving your descendants and wanting to share their work is a long-standing tradition in Vietnam. But the elderly should have time to enjoy their old age and take care of themselves."

In North America, grandparents have the advantage of living in safe and healthy Assisted Living or Continuing Care residences.

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Grandparenting

More seniors are taking care of grandchildren

aadmin — Mon, 10 Sep 2012 15:51:22 +0000

When you close your eyes and think of the word ‘grandparent, what comes to mind? If it’s an image of a older lady or gentleman, in their rocking chair, relaxing and reading the newspaper, that’s certainly true of many seniors. But as reported recently by the Huffington Post, many seniors are taking on new responsibilities: raising their grandchildren.

The Post reports that, according to recent American census data, eight per cent of grandparents in the United States live with a grandchild, and nearly three million grandparents are the primary caregivers for at least one grandchild.

As reported by the news source, a recent study from the University of Chicago found that lower-income grandparents are also less likely to act as caregivers for their grandchildren, primarily because their wealth allows them to hire daycare staff or other assistance.

“Day care assistance may be particularly needed by middle-aged grandparents who are juggling multiple role obligations — as parent, a grandparent and a paid employee,” Linda Waite of the University of Chicago wrote in the study.

The Huffington Post also reported that a majority of grandparents in the United States have also provided their grandchildren with average financial assistance of nearly $90,000- a significant amount, especially given the need many seniors have for assisted living communities for themselves.

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Grandparenting

Divorced Elderly Couple Presents Taylor and Burton Sequel, Gets Remarried

aadmin — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 15:46:58 +0000

According to AP, an elderly divorced couple from Buffalo, NY, will re-enact the marriage-remarriage scenario of famed Hollywood actors Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. The cinematic superstars were married in March, 1964, appeared together in 11 films, divorced, then remarried in October, 1975. After a few years, the second marriage ended in divorce.

On August 4, 2012, 85 years old Lena Henderson and Roland Davis plan to present the Taylor-Burton affair by getting married for the second time. Four generations will be on hand to see the nuptials.

Youngest daughter, Renita Chadwick, now a grandmother, told AP: "It's every child's dream, every child who has ever been in a family where divorce has occurred, that your parents would come back together."

The first time around, there wasn't a reception or honeymoon. Henderson and Davis had met as teenagers in Chattanooga, TN, and were married by a justice of the peace.

A church wedding is planned for the second time around, at a church in Buffalo, NY, followed by a reception at an Amherst restaurant. No plans for a honeymoon have been announced.

Henderson and Davis reunited after the death of their spouses from second marriages.

Around this Easter, Davis proposed to Henderson over the phone. They hadn't seen each other since a family funeral in 1996, yet she accepted. They had been in touch since their 1964 break-up to stay informed about the children.

Davis told the media source: "I had always kind of had that in mind, mostly because of the children." He added, "You never forget someone that you cared for at one time or another."

Eldest daughter, Johnnie Mae Funderbirk, was unable to restrain her emotions. She told AP: "I'm as excited as some 9-year-old whose parents are getting back together and I'm 65 years old."

No one wants a second divorce, a la Taylor and Burton.

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Grandparenting

Are you old? Most Boomers say they're not

aadmin — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 14:44:31 +0000

When does someone become old? Is it when they retire, or when they become a grandparent for the first time? Or is it regardless of any factor, and instead people become old simply when they turn a certain age?

No matter when people become old, most Baby Boomers say they’re not old – at least, not yet.

As reported by CBS News, a poll from the Associated Press and LifeGoesStrong.com found most Baby Boomers say old age begins at 70, and a quarter of respondents say old age doesn’t begin until 80.

“In my 20s, I would have thought the 60s were bad, but they're not so bad at all,” 64 year-old Lynn Brown of Apache Junction, Arizona told the news source.

The first group of Baby Boomers, born in 1946, turned 65 years old last year.

According to the poll, most Baby Boomers said the parts of aging they enjoy most are spending time with family and grandchildren, but the biggest worries they have about aging are losing their independence, losing their memory, and their potential inability to pay for future medical bills.

As Boomers continue to age and more move into assisted living and Alzheimer’s Care communities, it’s likely that for many of them, the age when ‘old age’ begins will continually be pushed higher and higher.

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Grandparenting

Grandparents Get Going Raising Grandchildren

aadmin — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 13:49:08 +0000

Often, grandparents play a big role in the lives of their grandchildren, and the stereotype of the doting grandparent is replaced with the active role of a substitute parent. 5 million American children now live in a grandparent-headed home - 10 percent of the country’s children.

The most famous example of the influence of a grand parent is Madelyn Payne Dunham, the late grandmother of President Barak Obama. She and husband, Stanley, raised their grandson for several years so he could attend school in Honolulu.

Many grandparents remain active and are not prime cases for Assisted Living or Continuing Care Residences, and continue to play a large role in the family.

Donna Crawford, North Carolina Cherokee County's Director of Social Services talked positively about the upswing in grandparents. “In this day and age, many of our grandparents are middle-age people. Now grandparents make you think back to 70 and 80 year olds. Some are in their late 30s, early 40s. It is not an uncommon thing anymore,” Crawford told The Andrews Journal.

"Sometimes," said Crawford, "their children have moved in.” She added, “sometimes it’s three generations all under one roof. Because of the economic times, they’ve had to move back or they’ve lost their homes."

Rhonda Cagle, in Andrews, North Carolina, has guardianship over her grandkids, Isaak, 7, and Kaleb Mauck, 4, and is applying for adoption, having hired a lawyer to begin the process. The boys' mother died from a drug overdose and their father is basically uninvolved.

She told The Andrews Journal: “I wasn’t planning on raising children. We were just starting to enjoy that all our children were grown. It’s like starting over again, and it’s a real hard distinction between being a grandparent and a parent.” She added: “I had a lot of issues with that because I have a tendency to baby them and not do correct discipline."

Ms. Cagle worries about the generation gap, especially when the boys become teenagers; she'll be older and have more difficulties with parenting.

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Grandparenting

Retirement community says no to children

aadmin — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 16:25:04 +0000

Many seniors move into assisted living communities and retirement homes to get the rest and relaxation they are looking for, and enjoy prepared meals and daily activities.

Friends and family come to visit, but what happens when young grandchildren overstay their welcome? How should a retirement community react?

As reported in a recent article on NaplesNews.com, one Florida community is facing exactly that challenge. Sun City Center is a senior living community where, earlier this fall, school buses started dropping off schoolchildren in front of their community.

“We started getting reports from the homeowners associations that their members were calling to report children getting off the bus,” said Dave Floyd of the Sun City Center Community Association, according to the article.

According to the news article, it turns out that some children are in fact now living at Sun City Center, and that is why the school bus has been dropping them off in front of the complex.

Floyd told the media outlet that ten households have had children living with them, against policy. Eight of the ten have already made alternative arrangements, and one of the homes is in foreclosure.

Floyd said while he did not want to expel residents from their homes for having children live with them, children cannot stay at the community for more than 30 days per year.

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Grandparenting

Centenarian has five living generations

aadmin — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 14:47:54 +0000

Thanks to medical advancements, around the world, people are living longer than ever before. In the United States, women live to about 80, and men to about 75, and in Canada, women live to about 83 and men to about 78.

But some people live far longer than that.

According to a recent article in the Times & Transcript newspaper of Moncton, New Brunswick, Jessie Smith, who recently turned 100 years old, is a century old, and has no intention of going anywhere.

Smith, who is a resident in a local assisted living community, recently celebrated her milestone birthday with friends and family.

“Oh I just love it, I couldn't be happier than when I'm with my family,” she told the news source. “They've all done quite well and I'm proud of them.”

Smith married in 1936, and had seven surviving children. Now, she has close to 20 grandchildren, plus great-grandchildren, and even a great-great-grandchild, who is a five-year old girl.

And while the new centenarian may surprise many, her relatives say she’s not the only one to live an unusually long life: her mother lived until 102, and many of her siblings are close to 90 years of age.

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Grandparenting

Grandparents Inspire with Love and Hard Work

aadmin — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 12:56:22 +0000

National Grandparents Day was observed on September 11, eclipsed by a larger remembrance. A personal recollection of my father's parents came to mind.

Growing up, a portrait of my paternal grandparents hung on the living room wall, sunk in a gilded frame. I couldn’t connect with their austere faces. Both died before my birth. Couldn’t we take it down, I wondered as a thoughtless teenager? Why did we need it?

My mother explained patiently to me that my father wanted to remember his parents; the portrait gave him comfort. I relented with some embarrassment.

Each grandparent represents one quarter of our genetic make-up. That’s DNA. Then, there’s GPS, the geographic-cultural positioning of our grandparents. In a diverse North American culture, many grandparents – and parents – come from thousands of miles away to escape war and persecution – mostly to share in opportunities of a new land.

Many of our grandparents came to the US and Canada in hardship and through a strong work ethic created a legacy for their children – our parents – and us.

My father’s parents came from Poland, between the wars. My grandfather left in advance of my grandmother and two young children, sailed to Toronto, Canada, where he set up a downtown butcher shop. He worked his business for 9 years, and then sent for his family whom he had been supporting through telegrams. Three new children were born in Toronto, including my father. It’s not uncommon for immigrants to spend years apart before reuniting.

As an adult Boomer I’ve answered my teenage query. We need to honor our grandparents.

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Grandparenting