MichaelSullivan
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Aug 4, 2010, 8:03 AM
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Communications Barriers between Boomers and Parents
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By Michael P. Sullivan
50-Plus Communications Consulting: www.graymoney.biz
Are there communications barriers between generations? Often times there are, and it’s mainly because of the differing life experiences.
As we age, we have more experiences to draw on and they become more powerful. The ability to use life experiences increases with age.
Individuals draw on two kinds of experiences, the personal and the shared. “Personal experiences” are those that are more or less unique to the individual. “Shared experiences” are those which other people, in similar situations, have.
Growing up in the Sullivan family, as our five adult children did, rather than another family produced unique personal experiences. You should hear them talk about it now!
Growing up in America in the 60s, 70s, 80s or 90s produced shared experiences with others.
The most important time for building the life experience base, which we use to understand the world, is during our formative years – the period from birth and early adulthood.
In our country, more so than other places that change more slowly, those experiences are quite different from one generation to another because the times are different. Our shared experiences are well formed by our late teens and early 20s.
We cannot know the unique experiences of our seniors or how those experiences influence responses to our retirement community. But we can understand the shared experiences older people bring to the table and how those experiences shape their response to information about housing, health and financial issues.
For example, older individuals often associate food with security. But the Boomer generation, born from 1946 to 1964, grew up with plenty of food. As adults, Boomers worry about their weight and health. Their perspective: “We don’t associate food with love; sometimes we associate it with gluttony or heart attacks.”
This difference can lead to misunderstandings. Boomers’ parents cook giant meals and are hurt when their children don’t seem grateful. They urge them to eat and eat more. The deep structure of the message is: “I love you and want to show my love. The adult children may refuse politely, but they’re thinking, “That kind of diet can kill me and probably is killing you.”
For the parents’ generation, sharing food is a metaphor for sharing community. When they were quite young (their life experience) meant quite literally, “I will go hungry so that you can have something to eat.”
While seniors are different in many ways, they have a background in common that dominates much of their response to today’s issues: Their formative years occurred before the advent of the abundant consumer economy after World War II.
On the other hand, their Boomer children had positive experiences in their formative years. Things began to get better economically during World War II and became significantly better in the years after the war, while they were still in their early 20s. Therefore, the important life experiences they bring to bear on today’s retirement living issues convey a mixed message, unlike the older group, for whom the message is unambiguous and filled with potential terror.
The hard times and hard work the older generations experienced led to a particular point of view about retirement and retirement-related financial and housing issues which is significantly different than that of generations that followed. Consider the following summary of responses from research we’ve conducted with a number of those from the 60-plus generation:
Retirement is a qualitative change from work. It means rest and recreation. Retirement is freedom. Work was an obligation.
Rest in retirement is well-earned by their previous effort. Their sacrifices for children and country entitle them to security today.
Saving money, even in retirement, is second nature. Financial security may be only temporary. One must always be concerned about recurring hard times.
Independence, expressed as self-sufficiency and the need for security, is the driving force behind much of their behavior.
Doing things for others – especially, their children and grandchildren – is part and parcel of who they are, even when retired.
Michael P. Sullivan, President, 50-Plus Communications Consulting, Charlotte, North Carolina, (704) 554-7863. Mike consults and trains staff at retirement facilities, home care living firms, financial services and health care organizations. His book, “101 Easy Ways to Increase Business with Boomerplus Clients” is available on his website,www.graymoney.biz. Contact him at mps50plus@aol.com.
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(This post was edited by MichaelSullivan on Aug 4, 2010, 8:09 AM)
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