MGordon_MD
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Mar 8, 2011, 7:53 AM
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By Dr. Michael Gordon
The woman was kneeling next to my aunt in California at a family bar mitzvah that my sister and I were attending.
Much of our family had migrated over the years to California from our roots in New York, and attending a family affair was part of our commitment to keep our family ties alive.
I had been out there a year earlier to see my aunt, my late father’s only sister, since she had moved with her husband from their apartment in Queens, N.Y., to a lovely retirement home closer to two of her daughters who had made that move years before.
The simchah was a minireunion that confirmed for me the importance of maintaining family ties as I reconnected with various cousins and their families.
After the services and the brunch in the morning and early afternoon, we were at the large party during which the family could share in the fun and “reconnections” and the bar mitzvah boy could experience his new status with his friends. The elders in the family enjoyed watching the children being entertained, and sharing their pre- and just-postpubescent joys and silliness was fun for those of all ages.
The woman kneeling next to my aunt was writing furiously on a napkin as my aunt reeled out the names and relationships that this woman was thirsting to know about. While speaking, my aunt pointed to my sister and me and various cousins as the connections to the names on the napkin were clarified.
The woman then came to my sister, me and a cousin and asked for further clarification. As we examined the napkin, I realized that it contained a summary of my family’s roots and ties, and on this fragile piece of paper were generations of life and history that contained the blood ties that kept us connected, even though generations had passed and geography had caused major disruptions and separations.
The woman, probably of the age of my older children, pulled us over to her father, whom I had never met before but who clearly had a connection as a close friend of my father’s family. His daughter introduced us and explained who we were as she referred to the napkin.
His face beamed as names of my father’s family were mentioned that clearly resonated with his memory. He told us anecdotes about various members of our family that filled in some of the gaps in our own knowledge of them.
I encouraged the young woman to transcribe the napkin onto something more robust. We exchanged e-mail addresses in case further information had to be shared.
She had a young toddler daughter, and as I looked at them together, I realized just how strong the bonds of family are and how important it is to fit our past into our present to help define who we are, where we came from and why we are connected. The old dictum that “blood is thicker than water” made sense to me.
I learned later that the daughter of my dear aunt’s second daughter was also doing a family tree. Her grandmother has been the repository of family history. With the documentation now being prepared, we hope to maintain a record of all those family ties that bind that enhance that “thickness” that comes with blood relationships.
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Dr. Michael Gordon is Medical Program Director, Palliative Care Baycrest Geriatric Health Care System in Toronto, Canada and Professor of Medicine, at the University of Toronto.
Dr. Gordon is the author of the engaging memoir Brooklyn Beginnings: A Geriatrician's Odyssey, published by I-Universe.
Brooklyn Beginnings is available in bookstores and online at: Indigo-Chapters, Amazon.ca, Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble and I-Universe
Moments That Matter: Cases in Ethical Eldercare: A Guide for Family Members, is available online at Amazon.ca.
His latest release is Late-Stage Dementia: providing comfort, compassion and care. It is available at Amazon and Indigo.
Visit Dr. Michael Gordon's website.
(This post was edited by MGordon_MD on Mar 8, 2011, 8:04 AM)
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