MGordon_MD
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Oct 6, 2010, 9:33 AM
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By Dr. Michael Gordon
The call came from my sister Diti in Chicago in the early morning. “The hospital called --Daddy’s not doing well. I am going over now”. Our father had been admitted the night before after a few days of attempts by Diti and my father’s caregiver to treat an apparent infection of sorts in his retirement home.
Getting some enhanced help was posing a logistical problem. We decided that even though it was not what we had hoped for when we had discussed care, we agreed that he could only get what he needed for perhaps another reprieve in a hospital. From the emergency room assessment it sounded like his dehydration and infection could be treated successfully and maybe we would get some more time with him, even though his function and ability to engage had been declining for some while.
I called the hospital myself suspecting that the “he is not doing well” message meant he had died. Many health care providers prefer to not give messages of death over the phone preferring to break the news in person. I called from Vermont, where I was on vacation, and when I introduced myself, the nurse revealed that our father had died, comfortably, without suffering and without any attempts to resuscitation which had been declined when he was admitted.
His era was over. As I drove home to Toronto, I reflected on my father’s legacy to all who came into contact with him, and especially to me and my sister.
Many who sent condolence messages to me said that even though they had never met Max in person, through my writings about him in this CJN forum and my other writings, they felt that they knew him.
Remembering our parents and their values is very important to all of us—it is an essential part of our lives and often gives sustenance when we are facing difficult quandaries and decisions or when we want to emphasize a point. My father had that kind of influence on my life through his magnanimous nature, continuous desire and willingness to help anyone in need and very strong sense of social justice.
As I was thinking of a few stories to tell about him at the small memorial service that my sister and I were arranging at her synagogue I recalled how every Saturday morning he would take Diti and me to the local pubic library where he would read international newspapers and we would find books to take home. It became a ritual that I undertook with my own children and it sowed the seed for my love of books and writing. As we left the library he would always say, much to our childhood irritation, the same thing- “The library is the greatest invention of mankind” to which we would ask, “Why daddy?” to which he would answer, “because within its walls it has all the knowledge of mankind.”
My father taught us to figure out how to fix things (he was an engineer), how to be curious, how to analyze and solve problems (when my junior high school math teacher had a sick leave and we were given a geography teacher as a replacement for six months, my father taught me algebra as the teacher was out of her depth in that one).
Mostly, my father taught me the value of the human condition and how important it was to be a “mensch” of which he was the personification. I will miss him dearly but his legacy will endure in my life and that of my children and grandchildren.
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Dr. Michael Gordon is Medical Program Director, Palliative Care Baycrest Geriatric Health Care System in Toronto, Canada and Professor of Medicine, at the University of Toronto.
Dr. Gordon is the author of the engaging memoir Brooklyn Beginnings: A Geriatrician's Odyssey, published by I-Universe.
Brooklyn Beginnings is available in bookstores and online at: Indigo-Chapters, Amazon.ca, Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble and I-Universe
Moments That Matter: Cases in Ethical Eldercare: A Guide for Family Members, is available online at Amazon.ca.
His latest release is Late-Stage Dementia: providing comfort, compassion and care. It is available at Amazon and Indigo.
Visit Dr. Michael Gordon's website.
(This post was edited by MGordon_MD on Oct 6, 2010, 9:51 AM)
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